DFA Writes

Before.

I was beat, hated, abused, mistreated, raped, killed, stabbed, and left for dead.
Gutted and stripped of all honor or pride or glory. Night was dark, and the sun never shone.
I had trusted the world to complete me. And to care and nurture me.
I was at my lowest bottom. At the worst place I had ever been in.
The world stripped all that was important, and beat me until I felt like a nobody.
Truth was, then I was a nobody. I wasn’t anybody.
I was beat into a pit of nothingness. No hope for love, or a future.

I laid on the hard, cold ground, and begged the Heavens for mercy and forgiveness.
I knew I was wrong. I knew I needed help. I knew I didn’t have the answers.
I begged for someone to hold me and to care for me, and be unbiased.
Someone to love me unconditionally and not to ask for anything in return.
I begged for help, or ambition. I begged for something to end all the misery that had by far destroyed the person who I was. I begged for a rebirth, because I wanted to feel true love.
Thank God, he heard my screams of agony, as I lay, begging for completion.

He gave me salvation as soon as I asked.
He then revivied my life.
He gave me control over my musical abilities.
But he didn’t stop there.

He bent over from Heaven, lifted my unfinished corpse up, and placed my bloody, ruined, used body, in your arms. You accepted this pathetic excuse of a man, and kissed the love back into my veins, as his spirit filled my lungs with the air that I needed. I looked at your face, and your beauty surrounded me as I opened my eyes to see what was real. At that point, I didn’t know why he chose your arms to put me in, but he did. I was soon to find out that being in the arms of beauty makes for a happy ending.

You two pulled me to my feet, and held me because I couldn’t stand. He gave me strength to hold onto you as you held onto him. He then set my legs own and gave me strength to hold my own weight.
He placed love in my heart for you that was greater than I could ever know.
He then pushed us together, and put my arms around you. He stripped all the pain and sorrow away, for there was work to be done.

He crafted us to fit perfectly into each others needs, my muscles to compliment your curves.
My boldness to your meekness.
Your faith to my doubt.
He then gave you the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.
He then gave me a desire to please you, greater and unlike any other desire.
He allowed you to clean my gashes and sow them together.
He then pulled us apart for a while, to do some personal work.
I recieved honesty, tenderness, compassion, and true love.
You recieved strength, trust, boldness, and true love as well.
He pushed us back together after 4 months of refining, and put my arms around you like before.
He then conquered our doubts, and let us love with all we had.
When he finished, he put his tools away, and sat back and took a deep breath.
He studied us and nodded his head,
and just like the beginning of the world, he said, “This is good.”

He then spoke into my spirit that you were the one. He said to care for you and love you, as he had me. I still hold to this very day that being there for you is one of my callings. One of my purposes is to be your husband. Your childrens father. Your safety and comfort. I was to be all that I could be all that I could be for you, because he made us together to be together. I would tell you how our story ends, but its just began. Many hills to climb. But one last thing God gave me was strength, to pick you up and carry you when the hills seemed to big. To answer an age old question, is there love at first sight?
Yes, but better than that, there is EVERLASTING love at first sight.

Renegade, Renegade, you are soon to fall.
Your rebellion has long continued and worn out.
Yet you continue running and fighting.

Renegade, Renegade, asking you to surrender is futile.
To stop your rebellion is to silence you.
Yet your silence is a tragedy to even those who oppose you.

Renegade, Renegade, instead of fighting our cause,
understand that which makes us who we are.
We have each others back, and would like to have yours too.

We don’t hate you, we don’t dislike you,
we want you, because we love who you are.
Renegade, your household cries for your support.

Renegade, Renegade, your campaign has caused pain.
You’ve killed many things, but never the joy and never the love.
Renegade, you aren’t strong enough to smother the love.

Truth be told, Renegade, our love is stronger than ANY opposition.
Even yours. You aren’t strong enough renegade.
You can take away oppurtunity, you can take away joy,
you can fight our loving freedom, but you can’t kill the love.
You know what they say, if you can’t beat em, join em?

My wish is for you to have everything you’ve ever wanted and to have all that your heart desires.
That you wake up in the morning with a smile.
That love will be freely given to you, from whomever you please.
My wish is for one simple thing for you. Abundance.

My wish for you is for you to feel the completeness that I feel in you.
That you will unconditionally love me for forever.
That you and me are always greater than that which opposes us.
My wish is for one simple thing for you. A Stronger Me.

My wish for you is for us to be constant.
That I won’t be in and out of your life.
That you won’t lose sight of your future and goals and dreams, because of me.
My wish is for one simple thing for us. Eternity.

Dying a thousand deaths does not scare me.
Living in the abscense of you is is scarier than death.
Living in the abscense of you is true death.

You see, death is only limited.
Death cannot kill the love I have for you.
Death cannot destroy the life that your love has renewed.
Death is not real.

When I pass from this life, I can carry my love for you into the next.
When I close my eyes and lose my breath to death,
God’s love and your love will be the candles in the darkness.
The loves that held me up in this world, will guide me to the next.
The arms I ran to for safety, will open for me in the shadow of death.
God’s grace will carry me from the earth to the sky.
The memories of you will be my only possession.
Naked I came into his world, and naked I shall leave.
But I shall not leave empty.
I will leave this earth full of your love.

I will die with 12 final words.
I will love you for forever and ever and ever. And ever.

I am Shadow.

I’m pasted on the wall by your every move.
I have never determined my own destiny.

You’ve always controlled me.
You raise your arm, I raise mine.
You let go, I let go.
You hurt, I hurt.
You get knocked down, and I fall as well.
I am just your sick, sunless reflection.

But not for long.

A shadow is only good when light is present.
Soon, twilight will fall like rain in the summertime.
It will veil all that was gleaming, and you’ll be left in my domain.

And then, I’ll be right there.

Control me, abuse me, and victimize me now.
Cause after sunset, I’ll be the living black ink that covers the painted paper sky.

Then you’ll be afraid.

I’ll be the clouds that cover the moon.
I’ll be the whisper of the trees as the wind blows in the “calm.”
I’ll be the lightlessness that will return you to humility.

I’ll be the blackout that steals your sight.
I’ll be the Great Shadow.
Night.
And I’ll be everywhere.

Then you will TRULY see.

I can taste the blood in my mouth, as I once again bite my tongue.
Sad part is, I won’t always be able to do that.
One day, you’re gonna push me, and I’m gonna snap.
You’re gonna wish you had never started.

You’re gonna wish one day that you hadn’t started.
You’re gonna wish you had left it all alone.

I can feel the fear burning up my conscience.
Sad part is, once I get over the fear, you’ll get what you asked for.
One day, you’re gonna push me, and I’m gonna snap.
You’re gonna wish you had never started.

You’re gonna wish one day that you hadn’t started.
You’re gonna wish you had left it all alone.

I’m the living essence of the darkness you’re afraid of,
I’m the walking lifeline that holds you together.
One day you’re gonna push me, and I’m gonna snap.
Then the darkness will be on you as fast as you opened your eyes this morning.

They don’t call me Shadow for nothing.
I’ll always be less than a step behind you.

It’s hard to believe that just last week, you were my world. My #1 priority.

Now, we’re not even on the same earth anymore. shoot, you basically don’t exist to me.

It’s hard to believe that in a matter of a month,  everything changed. A month.

Now, we’ll never look at each other the same. My memories don’t even feel right anymore.

I cried over you. I don’t cry, okay? I hate crying.

I hurt over you. I’m heartless, so I don’t hurt, okay? I hate hurting.

Why is it that you feel that you can change me? You can’t. Which is why we’re not together anymore.

I can’t say that I hate you. I don’t. I don’t hate you.

I can’t say that I love you. I don’t. i don’t love you.

But I can say that soon, I’ll be fine.

When I get there, I’ll be able to blow your memories outta my head like a leaf in the wind.

Always. is a figment of the imagination