Shadow. December 19, 2008
Posted by austino33 in Austin's Thoughts.trackback
I am Shadow.
I’m pasted on the wall by your every move.
I have never determined my own destiny.
You’ve always controlled me.
You raise your arm, I raise mine.
You let go, I let go.
You hurt, I hurt.
You get knocked down, and I fall as well.
I am just your sick, sunless reflection.
But not for long.
A shadow is only good when light is present.
Soon, twilight will fall like rain in the summertime.
It will veil all that was gleaming, and you’ll be left in my domain.
And then, I’ll be right there.
Control me, abuse me, and victimize me now.
Cause after sunset, I’ll be the living black ink that covers the painted paper sky.
Then you’ll be afraid.
I’ll be the clouds that cover the moon.
I’ll be the whisper of the trees as the wind blows in the “calm.”
I’ll be the lightlessness that will return you to humility.
I’ll be the blackout that steals your sight.
I’ll be the Great Shadow.
Night.
And I’ll be everywhere.
Then you will TRULY see.
DFA Writes 
hey, i really like it. here’s come ferindly advice (you can take it or leave it, h’ok?)
~take out some of the “I’ll be” ‘s . just try using only the first one in the stanza.
~ in the line that says “you’re knocked down, and i fall as well” consider something like “you’re knocked down, and i find myslef on the ground”
~go through and take out as many articles (and, the,then, but…ect) where it makes sense and see how it flows after that.
~instead of using the word “i” so much try to use some other sentence structure and use “me, mine, ,my” and words that mean “i” but aren’t “i”, ya see?
~i like your use of boldening some of the words. somethign you can also play with that’s really fun is the size and space between each of the letters in a word.
so that’s all i got for ya.
i really like the imagery and the idea is great!
keep writing. 🙂
What a great conceptual idea! Love so many things about it. I amazed amazed my this if you strike all lines with shadow and night it reads reads with powerful images of mystery and draws the reader to think without spelling it out. I disagree with praebeoverbum I love personal pronounces.